Of not being able to release because I am not permitted.. Apparently my little kitty no longer belongs to me.
I cannot even begin to explain to you the drastic effect that these circumstances have on my personal day to day life. I feel as if I need to violate everyone and everything that walks by, and I can hardly concentrate on like anything >.<
My facking optometrist even had me a bit bothered yesterday O_o I am feeling beyond pent up !! This sort of structure is probably for my own good, but boy is it difficult :O
So today my grammy and I ran into her pastor while shopping at the warehouse, he asked me how old I was and when I told him he seemed to be thee most shocked.
He even told me that I looked like a “little teeny bopper” haha ! I swear those comments never ever get old :p This seems to be happening to me a lot lately, and I truly do not even go out of my way to appear this way. I was even wearing grown up clothes ! I don’t take offense to it or anything, but I don’t understand it either.
So I just had my very first ever “thisfeelssogoodimgoingtocrymoment”, only it was with myself O_o
This is seriously the most insanely intense feeling that I have ever felt in my whole entire life ! I started thinking about cake because I was on a Skype call with him earlier (Greatest birthday gift ever by the way !).
Afterwards I had a bit of “playtime” and I began to think of how much he has always meant to me and how much he still means to me. I have always had exceptionally strong feelings for this man, but never have I ever imagined that he would have this much of an impact on me or my feelings.
I hardly ever whole-heartedly cry, which is why I have always envied those who were able to release in such a way. So much so that I have personally fetishized the mere idea of being able to shed a few tears without reservations.
It was as if my conscience was weeping out, but not me.. It was so wild, I stopped because the sensation felt too amazing.. Then my eyes began to well up, I even thought to myself “Am I freaking crying ? What even is this ?” O_o After that, the tears literally just fell.. I couldn’t believe it. I still cannot..
I am not certain that I have ever loved anyone as much as I do him. It was so wonderful hearing his voice this morning. I know that we will never ever be, but I often wonder why he was placed in my life.. I am not certain that I will ever find out =/
All I do know is that I will be veritably addicted to him until the end of time.
I am not going to lie and say that I didn’t miss being able to have sex whenever I wanted. I totally ended my craaazy weekend with a “bang” if you catch my drift :o
Or apparently I did have time, I definitely came in about like 3 seconds with that thing O_o I am most certainly going to have to plug that ‘massager’ in more often ^.^
I believe that I will ring in the morning with a lovely kitty massage :P
Even though I hardly have any time to plug this dern thing in =/ I haven’t released in three days, this is past necessary..
“I want to take care of my baby and I will help you happily. You just need to tell me what your goals are and I will make sure you get there.”
So I was going through old Skype conversations, and this stuck out to me. I wanted to be sure and document what I feel is a prime example of how utterly selfless and unceasingly supportive some men can be. There are times when I absolutely need the reminder..
I just got in from an event at a local dungeon :P I don’t even know where to begin :O I started the night off being double diapered by some jerk (:P) just for humiliation >.< I was seriously walking around thee entire night with a big girl dress on and just tons of fluff poking out of my backside -_-
I had my second scene ever with the violet wand which was just as awesome as the first session last Friday. We focused more on my inner thighs this time, which were suuuper sensitive, and now totally inflamed ! I cannot wait to see what my thighs will look like in the morning :DDDD I absolutely felt more pain than I did last Friday, and it hurt like a son of a bitch.. However, the release is seriously out of this world ! Last week a more sensual approach was taken, as opposed to tonight where he went towards a more sadistic angle. I love electrical play, but there is still soooo much more that I’d like to experiment with !!!
There was also a station where the littles could decorate, color, and then take home their very own teeny paddle.The paddle was so much fun to make, and even more fun actually having it put to use on my hind-side. I was bent over and swatted a bit on the back of my legs (my little bum was too fluffy for me to feel anything there), he asked me if I could even feel anything and I said that it hurt.. I honestly did not feel a thing O_o I truly wish that someone on this earth was able to gauge my severely dry sarcasm.
I am starting to accept and come to terms with the fact that I identify far more as a brat than a baby girl because boy do I enjoy talking shit. There is no greater thrill than poking a sadist and then trying to get away ^.^ I think I got off far too easy tonight, I wanted to be swatted soooo much more than I was, hopefully I’ll get into that next time :D
So I’d really like to talk about and break down my scene from last night, but my care-taker isn’t exactly available at the moment and I am not certain that he will be until Monday :(
I do not believe that I am experiencing any sort of drop, I am more-so just anxious to share and talk about it.. I think that I will be okay, I just want to get it all out before it becomes a blur.